Swimming in INSANITY

Being sad sucks.

me.

I have stood strong against adversity

I have been weak in the face of change

I have sought out violence in rage

I have bluffed my way out of fights

I have stood tall despite fear

I have overcome despair with courage

I have been afraid

I have learned a great many things thus far

I have so much more to learn

I have learned through my mistakes

I have repeated the same mistake many times

I have many more mistakes ahead of me

I have swallowed my pride

I have been too proud

I have faced humility

I have won

I have lost

I have cared selflessly

I have ignored pleas for aid

I have been warm

I have been cold

I have been kind

I have been harsh

I have no reason to complain

I am smart

I am dumb

I am proud

I am me

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That was a poem I did in English class once. I liked it, as did my teacher. I know I’ve been inactive for a while, but I just wanted to share that.

I can’t seem to be sad

I’m just angry. All sorts of angry. I’m confused, scared and can’t do anything about it. The one thing I am capable of doing to help myself is pushing you away, so that just leaves me further down the hole. I’m being shot by a silver bullet. I stand still, l have a bullet in me. I try to jump out of the way, it bounces off the wall and hits me in the back. I pull out the bullet, and I’m stuck with heavy metal poisoning. There is no correct decision for me to make, no matter what I do it comes back to bite me in the ass. I’m just all sorts of angry… I don’t like being angry, but I sure as hell prefer anger than sadness. Hopefully today’s workout will help keep my head under control.

I feel so alone

Almost like I have no one. I’m surrounded by people, but these thoughts continuously cloud my mind, and I can’t do anything with them but bottle them up. Eventually that bottle will fill, and I don’t know what will happen. Will I get better at keeping those thoughts inside? Or maybe I’ll break. God knows. I will get through this, one way or another. I know I will. I don’t know what It’ll take to get there, or what’ll happen to me, but I just know I’ll get there. I have to. I need to.

I’m broken

I’m shattered, destroyed and confused. I have no real solution, and no real help. I just try and exercise the pain away. That only helps for temporary amounts of time. What will I do now? I honestly have no idea. I’ll just do what I do and try and tough it out.

If things don’t change fast

I’ll probably turn into a cutter. I seriously considered it today, it may be time to draw a butterfly.